Possibilities (3/?): Chosen Family

Now that the foundations are laid, I think it’s about time I got to the actual project of looking at what I’m looking for. The first idea I want to present is the one that I would choose first, and it’s probably also the one that falls closest to both the category of checklist and the realm of lived relationship. The floor plan model for that relationship looks something like this:

Kitchen	?	Common Bed	?	Art Space /Office
A (Me)		Living Room/		D+?
B+C		Dining Room		E+F

In a way this map is fairly close to the late-to-post-college experience, a group of friends living together, splitting rent and food. It may in fact be the case that there wouldn’t be a whole lot of functional difference between that arraignment and the one I am presenting here, at least in the short-term. Which brings us to the major difference, this is a relationship set that, ideally, would last beyond just a few college years. In addition, the chosen-family model would accommodate both “single” people and people in romantic/sexual relationships, all as part of one family.

This model is also quite close to some models I’ve seen proposed by relationship anarchists, with a combination of both close-friendships and romantic relationships and sexual relationships, in a large web of interaction. A major difference from those models though would be that, in this model, all of the relationships are together - both in a relational sense and in a physical sense. The family that I want is based on more than just individual consent, it also believes in group consensus and togetherness. I believe that relationships work best when time is spent in presence with one another, and living together is the way that facilitates that best.

I don’t have all the details figured out, and I don’t think that would be very healthy if I did, but I have spent a lot of time daydreaming about getting to live with my friends for the foreseeable future. Sitting around a fireplace, or making a meal together, taking care of pets. Living our lives, and having a community to return to in the evenings. But the question marks leave room for growth, for change, they’re a flexible space, to remind me not to get caught up with rigid dreams.

            One of the major things I don’t have with this plan is how to make it happen, and once it’s begun, how to make it work. I’m hoping that I can gain some insight looking at co-housing communities, but so far I just can’t imagine asking my friends to commit to something this out-there, although I have talked about it with a few of them. This feels like something with so many moving parts - having one person dream about six or more people’s futures, well, it feels impossible.